At least once a week someone asks me this or some version of it. "You're such a happy person." "How are you always so happy?"
Here's the short answer (or tldr for you cool kids)
1. I'm not
2. Come visit me at 9 pm
3. It isn't about happiness it's about joy
4. Here's the secret: gratitude
Ok, if you're still reading then you're either crazy, bored, or seeking joy and let me tell you I'm no master but I am a student of joy and I'm happy to journey with you and honored you'd let me share at least the next few minutes of your own discovery with you.
I'm not always happy. Shew. Bye pressure to perform. Some times I feel down right melancholy (hello soul child enneagram 4). Sometimes I feel angry (which is a kind of foreign emotion to me and it feels like I want to roar - we all have our propensities, and this one isn't mine). Sometimes I feel inferior (actually this is how I feel 90% of the time but it used to be 99% so I'm definitely making progress). Anyway, it is ABNORMAL TO FEEL HAPPY ALL THE TIME. I don't care who you are, what religion you follow, how much you've brain washed yourself into thinking happiness is a normal all the time feeling - it just isn't. (https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/happy-all-the-time-positive-thinking-duty-burden-psychology-professor-svend-brinkmann-a7620311.html)
At the end of the day (which for me is 9 pm - don't judge), I am ready for sleep. Because sleep is normal. And not sleeping is unhealthy. And while I can push through if I need to, I depend on sleep. Part of journeying to find myself has been learning to communicate what I need and sorry, Jimmy Fallon, it isn't you. It is a rare night that I'm not asleep by 9:30 and I used to be ashamed of that but now I realize it's a pretty healthy habit (https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health-topics/sleep-deprivation-and-deficiency)
Now, take in all I just said and realize that none of us are perfect. But the truth? I am genuinely joyful. My moods used to fluctuate based on what time of the month it was, how my bank account looked, whether or not people were content with who I am. But I have learned (and am still learning) that joy is a choice we make in every moment. And if we have the power of choosing joy, then no circumstance can take that away from us. And I truly mean that. We can be depressed and be joy filled. The two aren't mutually exclusive, because joy is deep. It is knowing rather than feeling. (and trust me I know depression is THE REAL DEAL and it is likely not possible to be happy and depressed, but joy is different).
Here's the secret to choosing joy: find something to be thankful for. On the days when I'm floating in the clouds with the beauty of life, my gratitude journal looks like this: 1. Jeremy's smile 2. Kids laughter 3. Purpose filled life
But many days, when I'm just mediocre, I start my day with a list that looks more like this: 1. Coffee 2. My bed 3. Peanut butter
It may seem shallow but every day for the past 10 year since reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (https://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Fully-Right-ebook/dp/B003U2TWQ8) I have kept a daily journal of gratitude. And it has been part of the rope that pulled me out of a pit of normalcy to deep seated joy.
I want you with me. I want to be the type of people who know who they are, where they're going, and enjoy the journey. We can. It's possible.
Start today?
Here's mine:
1. You
2. Reconnecting with old friends
3. Peanut butter
xoxo
Jenn
