Dinner around the table. Morning cups of coffee. Picking up from school. Opening the door for their arrival home off the bus. Bed time prayers. These are the routines that ground and anchor us. We all have different forms of these anchors but our routines set the tone for what is important for our family. And your routines set the tone for what is important to yours.
Recently I said to the kids "we're having a family night tonight. dinner together. games." And our oldest laughed and said "uhmmm mom, that's every night for us."
My heart smiled and my eyes glistened with tears because that has been our goal. When Jeremy and I were new parents, we wanted to forge our own way, as so many new parents do. We read all the books, heard all the stories, and set out to parent based on 3 things: faith, our intuition, and grace. As you can reason, this has not always had amazing reviews or amazing results. Our children have grown up in a culture of grace (I'd like to call it hyper-grace but somehow that's become a negative term these days). Do they have discipline? Yes, but it is direct, private, and lessens as the years move on.Discipline for us focuses on reconciliation not punishment. Its intent is to convey how actions have ripple effects, not who is in charge.
But more important than you hearing our grace based discipline techniques, you need to hear from me that one of the reasons I teared up when Josiah said family time was everynight for us is because we are not perfect at all. Life has ebbs and flows and seasons come and go for all of us. As soon as we feel settled in one routine, a new thing presents itself and we can feel out of sorts.
Recently Jeremy and I both changed careers completely. Josiah has started school based basketball for the first time, Silas has joined a coding club, and Lucy has had some struggles with certain aspects of school that have required extra time and attention. While social media may make it seem that life is easy and perfect over here in Miller land, the truth is we do a lot of apologizing, a lot of compromising, and a whole heck of a lot of talking to keep us on the same page.
But goodness, the best thing we have going for us is we are stinking determined. Determined not to be pulled by everything wanting our attention. Determined to create an environment where free play and imagination rules the day. Determined to sit around the family table together for as many meals each day as possible. Determined that when our kids launch at 18, they will never wonder if they are valued, heard, supported, loved. We talk about hard things daily over here in Miller land: faith, humanity, love, relationships, our physical bodies, the questions we have in life. Sometimes Jeremy and I have the answers to their questions and sometimes they have the answers to ours.
My point in all of this post is that we have to be intentional about our homes. For us, the most helpful thing we've ever done is create a family mission statement. We reevaluate it and discuss it now from time to time to see how we're doing with it. Our kids know it, we know it, and if we need to make a big decision about life, we refer to it. Our family mission statement for the past 10 years has been
Live now. Be generous. Give thanks.
We are considering revising it to more specifics but for now, this has served us so well and helped center us in a world that tells us that having more, doing more, running around more, being more involved in things will satisfy us. We know that satisfaction starts with our heart and our home and then bathes the world around us in love.
How to write a family mission statement:
1. Gather your family members and ask them what one word they would use to describe your family? Is that the word they want to represent their family?
2. Have each age appropriate member write out one goal for the family.
3. Write a short statement to represent all these that is easily remembered by everyone.
4. Post it around your home and refer to it often.
I'd love to hear if you have a family mission statement! Feel free to share below or share the blog to help others become more intentional.
