Mothering Adult Daughters

Many of you asked for some discussion regarding adult children, and my mother was gracious enough to oblige. Parenting is ongoing love and I'm thankful for her sweet example. Enjoy!

How to Mother Adult Daughters

A special thank you to my daughter Jennifer for asking me to contribute to her blog. I am super proud of both of my daughters, Jennifer and Andrea. They are gifted in so many ways and I am honored to have been chosen to be their mother.

This is a great subject and believe me, I am no expert in the field of parenting. I have however, through time and experiences learned some valuable lessons. Here is how I attempt to parent my adult daughters.

Listen to them

As adults my girls are mature and capable. They know how to choose a course of action. Sometimes their choices take them down a smooth path, other times, the path is rocky. This certainly proves they are my children (smile). As their mother I tend to want to make every path smooth. After all, I spent so many years making that my number one priority. Being a mother means, to be what they need when they need it. As adults what they need is different from what they needed as infants, toddlers, preteens, teens, and young adults. Now, they need me to listen. Listen as they share ideas and plans. Listen as they talk about how ways to parent their own children. Listen to their dreams, even if they dream is of moving far away. Listening without inserting my opinion can be very hard. When I listen, they feel heard and understood. They deserve that, it really is important that we listen to them.

Be available

Parenting can be very hard work. Add to that a career and all that families require. It is easy to see how important it is to be available. As a mother it has been my privilege to be in the room for the birth of 5 of my 6 grandchildren. With privilege comes responsibility. I take my responsibility as a grandmother serious. Well you know, I am very serious about having fun and spending time with my grandchildren. When my girls ask me if the kids can spend the night, I know it is more than, the kids want to be with you. I know that my girls trust me. I know they need time to just be. If they ask if I can pick up the kids from school, I say yes even if I must rearrange my own schedule. When my daughters have time to take care of themselves, they are rejuvenated and ready to better care for their children. Be a yes mom even when they are adults.

Give them wings

This one is the hardest. I have lived and loved long enough to understand that being a mother starts at conception and doesn’t end at death. It is an eternal commitment, and I am so glad. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The hard part is understanding the nuances and intervals. My adult daughters need to feel my love and support at this stage of their lives too. I might not pick them up and kiss their boo-boos anymore. But, putting my arms around them and holding them close is still a thing and it is important. As a mother of these beautiful adults, my desire is for them to live their lives with confidence and spread their wings and fly to their God given destiny. When they were babies, I thoughtfully dedicated them to God and his purpose for their lives. Even now there are times that I want to direct the course of their lives. God reminds me he is in charge and he will direct them. I watch him do it. He’s got this, and I am privileged to watch the unfolding of their destiny in him. What more could a mother want? Yes, give them wings.

There are so many other ways to parent adult children well. We’ll have to save that for another blog. - Pauline Waller